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Episode 7 – Show Notes Communication in Marriage Pt. 2 Skills and Tools

Podcast Description

Although some people seem to be gifted and communicate better than others, good communication skills can be learned and when applied to relationships, can bring enormous benefits. Listen as Tim and Elaine Russo talk about skills and tools of communication. This is the second part in a 4-part series on Communication in Marriage.

Basic Components of Good Communication.

A good conversation involves three basic Components

1. Speaking – The Sender sends a message
2. Listening – The Receiver hears the message and confirms it by restating it 3. Responding – The message is confirmed by the sender

We generally communicate in 3 primary ways:

Albert Mehrabian Study: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Mehrabian 1

Bible Passage/Concept
Ephesians 4:29 – Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary

edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers

• Corrupt = ruin, destroy, stain, pervert, change

• Necessary edification = building up – a necessity, a legitimate need

• Grace – strength, ability, acceptable, beneficial, (compare to Eph. 2:8)

  Words carry tremendous power.

  Proverbs 18:21 – Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit. The words we use have the power to bring life or destruction, hope or hopelessness, discouragement or encouragement.

  Our attitude , the way we position our body implying our mental state, (motive) needs to be checked.

  Ephesians chapter 4:1-6 The apostle exhorts the Ephesians to walk worthy of their vocation, and to live in peace and unity,.
  7-13 We see how God has distributed a variety of gifts, and instituted a variety of offices in his Church, for the building up and perfecting of the body of Christ,

14 Teaches them the necessity of being well instructed. 15-16 Teaches how the body or Church of Christ is formed.

17-19 Warns them against acting like the Gentiles, of whose conduct he gives a description, 20-21 Points out how they had been changed, in consequence of their conversion to Christianity,
22-28 Exhorts them to purify their minds, their conduct to each other, and to the poor, 29-32 Shows them that their conversation should be chaste and holy, that they might not grieve the Spirit of God; that they should avoid all bad tempers, be kindly affectioned one to another, and be of a forgiving spirit,

Ephesians 4:15 – … speaking the truth i n love…(you) may grow up. .. Greek “Agape,” affectionately or charitably.

Love seeks the benefit of its object.
Ephesians 4:25 – Therefore, putting away lying, “Let each one of you speak the truth with his

neighbor,” for we are members of one another.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 – Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails.

This passage gives us “Rules” for communication–tracks to run on

Important things to ask yourself before your talk

• Is what I am about to say necessary? (Have I prayed about this?)

• Will it help the other person or our relationship? (or, am I just venting?)

• Is it clear? Am I saying exactly what I intend to say? (Think about how your words will come

  across to the hearer.)

• Is it true or factual? (Don’t exaggerate to make your point.)

• Am I considering the other person as I say it? (Will this encourage or discourage?)

• Is this a good time to bring this up? (Maybe I need to make an appointment.)

  DRIVE-THRU communication

  Application:

Basic Rules to follow as you grow in your communication skill

1. Speak truthfully (Eph. 4:25 – speak the truth with his neighbor…)

2. One issue at a time. Ink pen in the pocket. (Attack the problem, not the person.)

3. Use “I” Statements. (take responsibility for you)

4. Do not interrupt. (Use “Feather Talk”) James 1:19 – …let every man be swift to hear, slow to

   speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

5. Be nice. There is no reason to be ugly or sarcastic. Sarcasm puts the listener on the defense and it’s unnecessary. A symptom of wrong motives of the heart.

Summary:

We talked about the basic components of communication:

• Send a clear and complete message

• Make sure you hear exactly what the sender is saying by restating it

• Confirm that the message is understood or restate it.

  Action Points:

  We want to encourage you to practice finishing a conversation:
  The other person doesn’t have to know what you are doing you can lead by example.

1. Be the sender. Start with an issue, preferably one that is not emotionally charged. Keep it simple while you practice.

2. Ask your spouse to repeat what they heard you say back to you. Don’t be too surprised if it’s not at all what you said. Patiently resend the message in a different way to make it more clear.

3. Confirm the message when it is sent back to you accurately.

Thanks for joining us today. Be sure to listen next week as we continue this series with part 3 , Episode 8. We will be talking about Offenses, hurt and unresolved conflicts.